03 October 2010

He Loved Me First


Let The Light Shine                Have you tried putting on leg weights?  I suppose these are often used by athletes and body builders.  There are times that I use them too!  I’m not the body conscious type but Oh Yes!  I got to use leg weights on many occasions like services.  Unlike the common ones, mine is magical.   They are invisible and are territorial.  They are as heavy as gold that the pain of carrying them runs up to my chest.  They target not my legs but the muscles of the heart.  They usually appear when I’m off to serve or when there i a Brev activity and I just don’t feel like going.
         I believe all of us undergo this stage especially after our honeymoon stage in serving the Lord.  When I was told that following the Lord is not just a bed of roses but a road full of crosses, I did not believe it.  My mind could not actually comprehend how a person would give up such an elating experience of discovering God and learning to love Him.  I thought to myself, even if such a depressing time would come, I would never give up serving.  I was happy and that gave me a reason to commit myself in serving my fellow youth.  I wanted the young to discover what I did.  I wanted them to feel what I felt and that it was worth sacrificing a lot to live in a world where Christ was the center.  I was so idealistic and radical.
                There were indeed ups and downs and the temptation of quitting.  However, I would always recall how happy it was to love the Lord.  Also, ate Ruth Garcia’s (a member of my former community) words would always echo on my mind telling me that whenever there were such temptations, it only meant that Jesus has a surprise for me and something wonderful would happen so the enemy would keep me from coming.  My heart then became tougher.
                Years passed and whenever those magical weights would burden me, the commitment I had to love and serve the Lord as well as those thoughts would help me release from their grip.  But there came a time when the clutches of those magical weights were so tight and heavy that all the positive thoughts seemed to have no effect anymore.  I simply got tired and wanted to give up.
                During my prayer time, I would cry out and ask the Lord, “Why do I feel this way?  Where are the zeal and that burning desire to serve  You?”  That moment, I questioned my “emotional why.”
                “Emotional why.”  I borrowed this term from some renowned speakers.  It means your deep reason, your hunger, your drive – it is that powerful force inside that makes you move with passion.  In every dream that we have, we must never  lose that “emotional why” or the purpose why we are trying to achieve it.  Otherwise, it will be very easy to forget and not work on the dream.
                So there I was, begging the Lord to let me rediscover my “emotional why.”  “Why am I still here?  My closest friends are no longer around in the community...yet why do I have to stay?  I am so broken, rejected, misjudged and persecuted...should I still care?  It would be easier for me to quit, forget everything, think of new dreams, and move on.  But why do I keep on coming back?  You know that I love You, I just want to love You the way I loved You before.”
                As I pondered, like a gentle breeze, the answer came, “Is it all because you love Me?”  Then I realized, as I looked back on the first moment I committed myself in serving the Lord, that the reason why I learned to love God was primarily because HE LOVED ME FIRST.  My “emotional why’s” emanated from Him loving me first.   “My dear Child, I love you just as you are,” came the Words. 
                The great love that He has for me is the reason why I can’t let go.  It was not merely because I love Him but because I wanted to be loved back to the fullest.  The God of love can only fill up our tanks more than enough to keep us going in life.  His love is just too great that it draws me back to Him even if I fall most of the time.  I cannot deny myself of the love of God because I need Him and I know that He loves me unconditionally.  He doesn’t need my love because He is already full of it.  In fact, it is so overflowing that He cannot but give it to us.  It is His joy to love us even if we do not put too much effort in loving Him. 
                I realized every service that we render is all grace.  It is His way of giving us the opportunity not to burden us to prove our love for Him but rather, every service is an occasion for us to celebrate His love for us.  In celebrating, He calls us to give out our best so we can be happy.  He allows us to use our gifts to the fullest as His affirmation that we were created with so much goodness and at the same time share these to others while we serve them.  When we express our love for Him in return, He considers it His bonus – consoling His suffering heart for loving us unconditionally.  When He sees us loving others the way He did, He is more than pleased.
                Now, I have rediscovered why I am here sharing how the Lord is working in my life through the talents He has given me—He loved me first in spite of my sinfulness and unworthiness.  And as I express back my love for Him in my little ways, I am hoping that He be consoled and have mercy on my soul. 
               



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15 September 2010

BREVS FOREVER...FRIENDS FOREVER...


An Anime’s Story
                Kurama... Hiei...Kazuma Kuwabara... Yusuke Urameshi, etc... you familiar with these names?  Okay, how about Dennis, Vincent, Alfred, and Eugene?  Oh well they are the same guys from Yu Yu Hakusho or GHOST FIGHTERS!  Riiigghhht!  Yeah yeah I know...the English version is not at all that 100% wholesome nor its Tagalog version with all the creepy creatures from the underworld and the way they actually slaughter the humans and vice versa.  Eugene is the spirit detective who makes sure the evil ones are kept from harming the human world as instructed by Koenma, the prince of the spirit world.  And so on and on and on... And why am I mentioning it? Oh nothing! Just finished 15 cd’s of the whole season of Ghost fighters compliments of my brother Lookie. Hah!  Yeap with all the gruesome cartoon scenes I was so fascinated watching the anime.  Don't get me wrong.  I’m never a fan of violence and I faint at the sight of too much blood (found that out when I had 3 blood tests in just one occasion).  But what struck me the most is the kind of friendship these guys had.  They were different beings with different talents and started indifferently towards each other.  However, their differences made them into a great team that stick to each other for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death...do they uhhhh...get stronger! Hehe!
                Actually watching it reminded me of the Brevs.  Not that we fight demons head on, but how real friendship is built in our community despite the many challenges we face.  More so, the greater the hardship, the stronger our bonds become.  Hope you noticed that.  We also have our own differences yet in the Brevs, every uniqueness is appreciated and affirmed making each person to grow even to a better Catholic.  With that kind of bond, we are able to conquer the forces of evil bringing every soul to Christ the King!
THIS IS MY STORY...
Grade school!
                It’s funny that the team’s experiences gave me a rewind of my life as far as grade school.  That time, (well...you don’t have to know when was that specifically) I was one of the most competitive students there is.  I danced when they asked me to dance.  I acted and gave my all in any form of speech competitions.  I managed to get all honor cards for all subjects so that I can present them to my parents and win their attention.  I wanted to be competitive to maintain my image as beauty and brains! I was pretty cute that time...objections?  Hey I was forced to join a beauty pageant in 6th grade...major major winner!  Okay I’m bragging here...but my point is despite the adorable victories I had, I was a failure.  I failed having true friends.  I jumped from one group to another.  I longed to have a best friend yet nobody wanted me.  I became a pleaser addict.  I tried to be good to everybody but then...they always left me after half the school year’s over.  The longest time I was able to keep my friends was when I was in 6th grade thanks to our guidance counsellor who created a group called Project Well Spring (cool nerds).  I guess popularity was not at all rewarding.
High school!
                My high school life was the opposite.  Since I was attending an all-girls school, I thought I would somehow have a permanent group.  So what I did?  I did not join extracurricular activities.  I concentrated on studying and hanging out with studious people.  I still had the spark of competitiveness as I tried my best to cope up being an outstanding student.  Oh yes!  I was able to keep my friends longer this time.  How?  We were classmates until junior high. Ha! Ha!  However, I was really different from them.  Aside from studies, while they talked about boys and fashion, I kept talking about Disney and Don Bluth cartoons and even singing their theme songs during break time.  So they didn’t want me around for quite a while.  Guess they got tired of listening to me as I usually go flat on the notes!   I also met my first real best friend who I loved so much that I gave her anything she wanted that was mine –from food to wardrobe to whatever!  Maybe if I had a boyfriend I could have given it to her too.  It was as if buying her friendship.  (That, my friends, is very dangerous.  We will talk about that on our next chat).  Where is she now?  I don't know.  I never saw her again when she graduated.  I miss her though. J
                  My Senior year was different.  I met our formator, Bro. Alex and became part of the youth ministry of a Charismatic community where he was then a consecrated brother.  That time, I longed for real friendship.  A friendship that is Christ-centered.  So I became a weirdo in school...avoiding worldly friends and always looking within...praying and fasting...I concentrated on being friends with the Lord.  You should have seen me!  I was...uhmm...alone!
College!
                First two years in college, I was picky (no wonder I never had a bf those days) and was very choosy with friends.  I usually hang-out with my fellow youth ministry members.  Otherwise, you would see me...again, alone.  I was just too spiritual.  Is that a good thing?  Maybe so...it helped me establish a firmer relationship with the Lord.  But I suppose everything was just a preparation for the greatest surprise of all times – the BREVS!
BREV ERA!
                On my 3rd year in college, Lookie, Cardo, KuJo and I were reunited with bro. A!  Thus, the Brevs era!  Together with Grace, Shobe, the rest of the KC, Rodge, Buttercup and the Rivers of Living Water, a new friendship began.  It felt like family.  No qualms of revealing our true selves.  Coming together, serving during the mass and singing were so effortless.  We were enjoying each other’s company and experiencing a joy that heals.  I say “heals” because all of us were actually broken in so many ways.  But that brokenness did not hinder us from getting to know each other, accepting each one’s weaknesses, and loving like brothers and sisters.  Those times, I felt I belonged.  I was affirmed.  I didn’t have to be conscious on how I looked, the way I dressed, and I was free to share who I was.
Present Day...still part of Brev Era
                Ok those people I’ve specifically mentioned above?  Where are they anyway?  Hey!  We are still together.  We are the dream team!  Ghost fight...err...Brev Shepherds as you know.  We are still the same old (I mean not so old) broken people who came together, evolved and became Brevs.  Through the years, we had a lot of ups and downs.  We had fought with all our powers and abilities.  You could have witnessed our disappearing acts!  We’re all good at it.  Our clashes and battles with the outside world cannot be compared with the battles we had in the circle.  But we are still here!  That’s the miracle of friendship not built by human hands but by the love of God.  Truly friends are friends forever if the Lord’s the lord of them as the song goes.  Our common weakness?  We can’t live without each other...success is not complete if somebody is missing.  Our differences gels us in harmony.  We complement each other.  That’s why I’m proud that I have been gifted the greatest friends who are so important in achieving our dreams as a community.  We have great dreams and seemingly impossible goals but I believe we can do it because we have a dream team in our midst. 
The Dream Team...
                First, our master, Bro. A! who is the head and our mentor.  Most of the creative ideas come from him.  He is anointed in bringing together and teaching young people (like us).  He is a genius and an artist so be careful with his mood swings.  We have Rodge, the look-alike of John Lloyd, whose expertise is technology.  A heartthrob in looks and in deed.  Typically stands his grounds...can’t convince him that easy.  Lookie, my brother, is the accountant.  He is a Bo Sanchez-Michael V in the making.  Started as a very young preacher...funny but very strict.  Buttercup, my adopted bro, gets the job done in a jiffy.  He delivers even if he looks like joking around most of the time.  His weakness?  My brother!  (joke!)  His other weakness is Cardo.  Cardo is our superior I.Q. guy but always maintains his cool and poise so nobody notices when he makes a mistake(shh...don’t tell him I told you) but he is honest to admit it anyway.  Got super talents in music too but prefers to travel around the world and be our ambassador.  You want an honest opinion?  He would give it to you even if it hurts.  Actually, these three have their own superhero team...it’s just that they can’t be considered superheroes unless they exist in the Brevs.
                Now the girls team.  We have our  PR manager, gorgeous Grace.  She is the voice of the Brevs.  And she can put on high notes to those people who are not giving their best for God.  We have our very talented  persevering gentle Shobe.  She is beautiful inside and out but you can’t go near her easily as you will find yourself frozen while she enchants you with her music and charm.  Her downfall?  She thinks she is a failure...duh??!!  And finally, me.  I get to do the boring job.  I keep the money but not allowed to spend it.  I do the reading and the listening.  They talk a lot and then I do the writing.  I’m their cry baby...too emotional that they have to either pamper or make “batok” most of the time.
                Even then, we love each other and respect each other.  We are protective of each other and forgive each other.  Yeap!  I’m surrounded with the best people in the world.  They can do what I can’t yet they want me around.  That’s why I consider them not just friends but my spiritual family along with the rest of the Brevs. 

A Spiritual Family
                According to Robert Kiyosaki in his book, Rich Brother Rich Sister, “Family number two is our spiritual family, the family that draws us with its call, the promise of acceptance, true understanding, and happiness.  It is a community in which we know the power of unconditional love and find that which we know, in our hearts, is missing from our life.  Our spiritual family is our true home, an environment where we can live the life we are born to live and gain the perspective and ability to accept and appreciate other thoughts and points of view.”
                Henceforth, for all the Brevs, start living the Brev life; keep loving and building that special bond of friendship while enjoying the road to holiness.  And for those who are still seeking their spiritual family, hope you find it in our community.
                "I shall not call you servants any more, because servants do not know what their master is about. Instead I have called you friends, since I have made known to you everything I learned from my Father."
- John 15,15
               

13 September 2010

Real Love Chats - A New Blog!!!


Hi Everyone!
Good news!  I’ve just set up a new blog where we can talk about relationships.  You may post questions or ideas that may help others who are in need of healing or advice on this particular subject.  I will be inviting some of our Brev Shepherds to also help answer some questions you may have.
It is not a love guru blog but rest assured that we will be giving our best to guide you to a happier life with the ones you love especially God.
Brev it up!

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12 September 2010

A Call to Holiness

All Christians are called to holiness. Holiness? Whoa! Ambigat naman niyan! Most Christians tend to shy away when holiness is the subject. Indifference is an initial reaction due to the preconception that such disposition is only meant for those who are in the priesthood, religious and consecrated life since it is highly spiritual. Moreover, holiness seems so unreachable and is only for the saints. So, if it is not merely about religious practices and symbols, what then?

Holiness is wholeness; that is being well-rounded in our moral, sexual, spiritual, physiological, mental, physical, emotional, and social aspects. It is perfection. That is, not actually making perfect things but doing things with perfect love and the purest intentions. It does not need to take us away from our regular duties; nor does it pull us out from our present situation before we can be in such a state. It is working with compassion and doing something positive. Holiness is not “AT LEAST” but “AT MOST.” It is being an A-plus person who willingly and joyfully takes an extra mile and is generous in giving. It is being merciful and acting on it. It is authentic love – being able to love not only those who love us but our enemies as well.

Holiness, therefore, is not at all complicated. It is very simple. It is simply making love our vocation just as St. Therese of the Child Jesus did. And the more we become like God, the more simple we become.

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05 September 2010

God First

After more than a year of serving the Lord as a full time Brev, I finally moved on to work in a secular scenario to help my family financially. Working with professionals, dealing with different kinds of agents and obeying my superiors were not much of a struggle for me during the first months. How could it be that hard when I had my work supported with a sustained prayer life and a good background of formation? Besides, I was to do nothing but the Best for God! Kayang-kaya! Ang yabang noh? ☺

However, following the ways of the Lord is not a bed of roses but a road full of crosses. More so, it is a continuous fight against all temptations. A step closer to God means a greater pull from the enemy to bring us back to where we came from. If we rely on our own efforts in fighting the enemy, we might just find ourselves trapped into where they want us to be.

That is where I precisely found myself in after sometime when I tried to simply maintain my “goody-good” self. I became too focused on doing nothing but the best…period! . I prioritized my job thinking I could be “Martha” all the time. Problems increased and I was overwhelmed. More than ever, I busied myself in my work and finding consolation from people so I could forget my problems. Overtime, extra mile here and there—exhausted me until I was all stressed-out and bedridden. I felt empty.

I was doing great in the world alright! But it was not obviously for God. It was getting harder each day to offer my work to God knowing at the back of my mind that I was actually working for myself, my family, and the company. My lack of communication and recollection to God allowed me to entertain negative thoughts, anger, impatience, irritability, and unforgiveness. I was suffering dark nights in my soul. My unforgiveness was a major factor that hindered me to go to confessions. I suffered interiorly for months and my health reflected it…until I finally decided to bend down my knees again.

Prayer paved the way for the grace of humility to make me go back to Him. It was His love that melted all the stiffness of my heart to admit that I was wrong. It was His healing grace that filled my heart with consolation. It was His forgiveness that made me forgive.

Again, God proved that if we do not put Him number one in our lives, everything else becomes disordered. Hence, we must also imitate “Mary” who chose the better portion. Let us follow the examples of the saints who intensified their struggle to pray during those times they felt deserted, empty, lazy, and preoccupied. Have faith that when we feel God is so distant, it is those that times that He is nearest.

So whenever things go wrong, STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN!

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25 August 2010

Brevs on Its 11th Year

The Brevs are indeed growing up. As the days go by, more and more Brevs are being sent away to spread the Good News to the world. However, a new breed would always spring up and take over the temporary duties left by a Brev-on-Mission. Let us not be disheartened if we do not see those people whom we were with the past years. Everything has a purpose, so to speak. What we have now is God’s will for us. No matter where we are, once a Brev always a Brev…for we are a chosen race. We move on…we cannot delay what God has planned for us even before our community was formed; or even before we were born. It is not merely the people we are working with that will make any mission we have a success. We, as individuals, will always make mistakes no matter how talented we are. We are but humans – sinful and weak. We cannot perfect our individuality…we simply rely on God’s grace for us to strive to be like Him. Nonetheless, we can always try to perfect our commitment with God.

Our commitment to serve and love God in the best way we can is success in its genuine form. We do not rely on our fellow brevs to do good always; otherwise, we will just end up disappointed. What we should be concerned of is if WE are personally living out our motto: “Nothin’ but the Best for God!” How are we contributing to its general success? Besides, it is primarily because we love God that is why we are here. Our goal as a community would just be secondary to this. It will always be how we responded to the Call of Love that matters most of all. Everything else will follow for once we say our “YES,” God will give us the necessary graces that we need to accomplish the things He has entrusted to us. Our focus is how to please and serve God and not on how the others would either inspire or affect us before we are motivated to move.

Commitment is a sacrifice. We sacrifice our own will, set aside our emotional disposition, denying ourselves from our selfish desires, and getting over our secular foundation for the greater good. Though we are in an age where convenience is easily provided, let us not be afraid to experience difficulties and sufferings. More so, we must even value it. It is in overcoming our daily struggles for the love of God will our hearts be judged. It is all part of the package called Perfect Joy.

On our eleventh year, we are still beginning...a start of a new era! There are so much more to expect as Jesus is full of surprises. Let us always be open to what the Lord is giving us. Weak as we are, we are BUT A CHOSEN RACE. We have to accept that with all humility – that we have been entrusted a special mission in this generation and that our simple ways will make a great difference in this world. Hence, we have no choice but to persevere. Why? Simply because God loved us first! How can we ever refuse such a great love? “You did not choose me. I chose you...” Never say “I am tired” or “I give up” when serving for our labours when done for God’s glory will never be in vain. Do not say “I am unworthy” since nobody is worthy enough. We are in a spiritual warfare and the enemy will never stop attacking us. We have to be on our guard. Pray unceasingly as St. Paul would put it. The enemy persistently lures us to be lukewarm or to turn our backs to what we have been called to do. Remember, whenever these occur, it only means the Lord has something great in store for you.

Therefore, fellow Brevs, be happy! Receive God’s grace. Always remember [M.O.B] – Make good or make room but don’t make excuses. BREV IT UP! 8tch8!

know more about the brevs: http://damulag.yolasite.com
www.breviarians.org

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26 June 2010

Why I had to Quit...

Join the Truly Rich Club “So you’re working there? Wow! Salary must be high. Great medical benefits you got there. Sosyal ka!” These are just some of the usual remarks I get whenever I was asked where I worked. Funny that though it seemed like I had one of the most privileged jobs in town, I had the guts to actually quit and choose something that was totally opposite of what I had.

For many years after serving full time as a Brev, I tried to venture on a career that was appropriate to what I was expected to be. I transferred from one company to another hoping that I will have the fulfilment I was looking for – maybe like pleasing my parents or getting the applause I wanted from people. Unfortunately, since my first secular job, something kept on bothering me. I felt that I was tiring myself running on the wrong track; thus, I was getting nowhere. Depression kept on creeping into me until I found myself facing a blank wall. It was totally dead end for me...nothing! Yet I felt that there was something more if only I would listen to the voice within.

Ah yes! The Voice! Many, if not all, usually fail to listen to the voice within. Simply put it, that is the will of God buried in our hearts even before we were born. Due to a lot of pressures following the standards of this world, we fail to reach our dreams and innermost desires. I read somewhere that our innermost heart’s desire is actually the will of God in our lives. Once we fail to follow it, we lose our way ending up unfulfilled and lonely.

Getting sick and dragging myself to work every day eventually made me think. “Why am I wasting my time here welcoming death earlier than expected when I can live a life full of joy despite its hardships?” I thought, “Well, I have a good salary and the job is too simple...” But then I recalled one of my favourite passages in the Bible which changed my whole life ever since I committed to our ministry. “If anyone wants to come with me, he must forget himself, carry his cross, and follow me. For whoever wants to save his own life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Will a person gain anything if he wins the whole world but loses his life? Of course not! There is nothing he can give to regain his life.” (Matthew 16:24-26)

I thought I found my life and was able to blend in with the secular set-up that I had. I thought I was preparing for a new chapter in my life that I had to lie low in the ministry and simply hand it over to the next batch. But then I found myself dying instead. I stopped dreaming. The secular scenario though easier to follow did not fill my heart with joy. It was a wake-up call when I recalled our Master’s Words. Indeed being in the ministry meant tiring myself unpaid; bearing the unbearable; loving the unlovable; suffering persecutions and being misinterpreted most of the time; yet if these are ways for me to give back somehow the Love of God that’s burning in my heart and to fulfill my dreams, then let it be so. I wanted to be successful in my life and to do that, I had to quit. I wanted to live...again.

They say quitters are losers. However, at this point, I suppose not all quitters are losers. Sometimes we have to quit so we can win. It takes humility for us to quit – accepting that there are things that cannot be and that there is Someone Who has to take charge instead of fighting it all out by ourselves. So when you feel like you are not making it in life or maybe you feel you are in your most terrifying state, quit...let go...let God...so you can live. God will take care of you. 