God First

After more than a year of serving the Lord as a full time Brev, I finally moved on to work in a secular scenario to help my family financially. Working with professionals, dealing with different kinds of agents and obeying my superiors were not much of a struggle for me during the first months. How could it be that hard when I had my work supported with a sustained prayer life and a good background of formation? Besides, I was to do nothing but the Best for God! Kayang-kaya! Ang yabang noh? ☺

However, following the ways of the Lord is not a bed of roses but a road full of crosses. More so, it is a continuous fight against all temptations. A step closer to God means a greater pull from the enemy to bring us back to where we came from. If we rely on our own efforts in fighting the enemy, we might just find ourselves trapped into where they want us to be.

That is where I precisely found myself in after sometime when I tried to simply maintain my “goody-good” self. I became too focused on doing nothing but the best…period! . I prioritized my job thinking I could be “Martha” all the time. Problems increased and I was overwhelmed. More than ever, I busied myself in my work and finding consolation from people so I could forget my problems. Overtime, extra mile here and there—exhausted me until I was all stressed-out and bedridden. I felt empty.

I was doing great in the world alright! But it was not obviously for God. It was getting harder each day to offer my work to God knowing at the back of my mind that I was actually working for myself, my family, and the company. My lack of communication and recollection to God allowed me to entertain negative thoughts, anger, impatience, irritability, and unforgiveness. I was suffering dark nights in my soul. My unforgiveness was a major factor that hindered me to go to confessions. I suffered interiorly for months and my health reflected it…until I finally decided to bend down my knees again.

Prayer paved the way for the grace of humility to make me go back to Him. It was His love that melted all the stiffness of my heart to admit that I was wrong. It was His healing grace that filled my heart with consolation. It was His forgiveness that made me forgive.

Again, God proved that if we do not put Him number one in our lives, everything else becomes disordered. Hence, we must also imitate “Mary” who chose the better portion. Let us follow the examples of the saints who intensified their struggle to pray during those times they felt deserted, empty, lazy, and preoccupied. Have faith that when we feel God is so distant, it is those that times that He is nearest.

So whenever things go wrong, STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN!